also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
