I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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