The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
