There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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