are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
