I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
