I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
