if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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