there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
