What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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