he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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