Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
