Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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