You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
