Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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