i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
