I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
