he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Small penises have feelings too.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
