If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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