let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
