the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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