I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
