I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
