Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
