the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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