Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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