So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
