my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
