My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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