So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
