The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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