I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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