I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
