Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
