I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
