yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
