If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
