I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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