I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
