Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
is it fun? or sober?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
