The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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