I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
