We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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