I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
