so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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