just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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