I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
