There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
