Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
