thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
