Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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