I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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