i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
