she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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